Friday morning on Mizzou's campus, some ignorant people sprinkled a cotton balls all over the lawn of the Black Culture Center. Their actions were offensive to everyone: not only the black race, but to all Mizzou students, because this is a reflection on all of us.
A couple friends organized a clean-up, and I went with too. But when we got there, someone else had already cleaned up, so we went inside instead to offer our apology. We weren't apologizing on behalf of our race, as some people thought. Sure I'm white, and the people who did this are probably white, but I'm not responsible. I'm apologizing because I'm human, and these people are human, and they are insulting someone based on the color of their skin.
I think it's a tragedy that something like this could occur on a college campus, where I expect to find people who are forward thinkers and diverse global citizens. I guess I assumed too much.
But I think the real tragedy are the reactions of uninvolved people. Too many people were apathetic, too many of my friends said they had better things to do than help clean up. Far too many people found it funny.
I think what I am going to walk away with from this experience is that the difference between actions and words is huge. I grew up with people who sometimes said insulting things about other races; sadly that's just the midwest. But this kind of deliberate actions, rightly classified as a hate crime, is a whole other matter, and is completely inexcusable.
But how is any of it excusable? When do we jump the gap between saying and doing?
UPDATE: Two male students were arrested Wednesday in conjunction with this, and have been suspended from Mizzou. I believe they are being tried for a hate crime.
Saturday, February 27, 2010
Saturday, February 20, 2010
A Little Self-Exploration
Sometimes it's really easy for me to approach the world with a self-centered view. I think part of this stems from my personality: when confronted with a problem, I want to solve it.
The problems of this nation and this world, because we are a global community, are so vast that I often find it easier to shut them aside, and subscribe to a belief that is ideal, but not very real.
Two years ago, I first read the work of Ayn Rand entitled "Anthem" and the book spoke to me, because Rand explores the ability of society to shut out the individual and the importance of the word "I." Rand answered a question I was asking myself at the time, how can we fix the world if we are not fixed? Her answer is we can't.
And then a year and a half ago, I read her novel "The Fountainhead." And so many other questions were answered, I couldn't even name them all. But the point of that work, and the message I took and engrained in my life, is that a person's work is the essence of that person. It is hard to imagine work as perfect as Rand's world, but I started looking for that one thing that I could do as a profession that would allow me to feel that way. One of my favorite quotes from that book is Roarke, an architect, saying "I do not build for my clients, I have clients so that I can build." We can't all be architects, but shouldn't we all feel that way?
So last semester, I sat down to read her last novel, and her self-proclaimed greatest accomplishment "Atlas Shrugged." To say the least, the book is powerful. It took me literally the whole semester to read it, but I fell deeper and deeper into this political and philosophical world that she creates. I knew even then that Rand's ideas have holes, but her fundamental philosophy is very appealing. If every man stands up for himself, and if no one leans on anyone else, the world would be perfect. If every man answered the simple questions "What do I need? And how do I get it?" for himself and with integrity and self-pride, no man would be in need.
To understand the point of this post, you have to also understand that I have been extremely disillusioned in my faith in about the same time frame. I don't blame Ayn Rand for that at all. I was toying the line between anti-established-church and anti-god, and I think Rand was only a gentle shove toward the anti-god side.
But I have been thinking more and more that although her world is perfect, it is unattainable. The problems of the world are not just going to disappear, and although it is easier to share a belief that the problems are caused by human failure, maybe I could embrace beliefs that forced me to face those problems and look for solutions.
I'm not exactly saying I'm back on the Christian track, and I can almost guarantee I won't ever be back on the Catholic track. There are too many holes in the fabric of Catholicism for me to not see. I'm only suggesting that maybe the ideas behind it- loyalty and service and love- are things that I want back in my life, and things I want to stand for.
The problems of this nation and this world, because we are a global community, are so vast that I often find it easier to shut them aside, and subscribe to a belief that is ideal, but not very real.
Two years ago, I first read the work of Ayn Rand entitled "Anthem" and the book spoke to me, because Rand explores the ability of society to shut out the individual and the importance of the word "I." Rand answered a question I was asking myself at the time, how can we fix the world if we are not fixed? Her answer is we can't.
And then a year and a half ago, I read her novel "The Fountainhead." And so many other questions were answered, I couldn't even name them all. But the point of that work, and the message I took and engrained in my life, is that a person's work is the essence of that person. It is hard to imagine work as perfect as Rand's world, but I started looking for that one thing that I could do as a profession that would allow me to feel that way. One of my favorite quotes from that book is Roarke, an architect, saying "I do not build for my clients, I have clients so that I can build." We can't all be architects, but shouldn't we all feel that way?
So last semester, I sat down to read her last novel, and her self-proclaimed greatest accomplishment "Atlas Shrugged." To say the least, the book is powerful. It took me literally the whole semester to read it, but I fell deeper and deeper into this political and philosophical world that she creates. I knew even then that Rand's ideas have holes, but her fundamental philosophy is very appealing. If every man stands up for himself, and if no one leans on anyone else, the world would be perfect. If every man answered the simple questions "What do I need? And how do I get it?" for himself and with integrity and self-pride, no man would be in need.
To understand the point of this post, you have to also understand that I have been extremely disillusioned in my faith in about the same time frame. I don't blame Ayn Rand for that at all. I was toying the line between anti-established-church and anti-god, and I think Rand was only a gentle shove toward the anti-god side.
But I have been thinking more and more that although her world is perfect, it is unattainable. The problems of the world are not just going to disappear, and although it is easier to share a belief that the problems are caused by human failure, maybe I could embrace beliefs that forced me to face those problems and look for solutions.
I'm not exactly saying I'm back on the Christian track, and I can almost guarantee I won't ever be back on the Catholic track. There are too many holes in the fabric of Catholicism for me to not see. I'm only suggesting that maybe the ideas behind it- loyalty and service and love- are things that I want back in my life, and things I want to stand for.
Friday, February 19, 2010
How to Battle Swine Flu
Swine flu has been officially defeated! I've been fever free for two days now, and I even went to two classes! Now I just have to tackle the mountain of homework that is piling up as I write this...
But as the ancient Greeks loved to say PATHE MATHOS or wisdom through suffering. And since I can't get H1N1 again, I figured I would give you all a few tips for avoiding and/or surviving the flu, so someone gains wisdom from my suffering.
1. Anti-bacterial-- sounds simple to wash your hands and use a little anti-bacterial soap, but it's amazing how often we don't do just that. Remember being little, and washing your hands before dinner? Well the basic principle still applies and our hands are still dirty, but we don't wash them. Washing hand before and after meals is a great way to avoid spreading germs.
2. Stock up-- there is nothing wrong with having a full bag of cough drops and several extra boxes of kleenex around during flu season. Maybe if I had done this, I could have saved myself from using paper towel as kleenex after I finished two boxes.
3. Medicine only works if you'll take it!-- just a note for the Moms out there (particularly my own!) cough drops don't have to taste bad!! I have always had an intense dislike of cough drops, but Halls Naturals and Halls Citrus both taste really good and definitely work. The naturals even had a honey center, which is probably half the reason I feel better. Although I think I might forever associate the taste of honey with Swine Flu...
4. Two pillows-- this is a trick I learned from my Momma a long time ago, and it was a life-saver this week. Whenever you have a cough or a cold, prop your head up on two pillows while you sleep. It keeps everything running smooth even while you're asleep and gives you lots less coughs.
5. When you think it's over, think again-- Thursday night, I thought I was so much better, feeling great and I went out of the room for a few hours even. But in my sleep, I coughed so much I threw up for a bit, and I learned the lesson that you should always treat yourself as sick longer than you think. Also, I relearned lesson 4 in a very brutal way!
So that's all I've got: 5 ways to battle Swine Flu, and hopefully it is a helpful way of explaining exactly what I've been through this week. Now, off to work on that ever growing mountain of homework before it crushes me!
But as the ancient Greeks loved to say PATHE MATHOS or wisdom through suffering. And since I can't get H1N1 again, I figured I would give you all a few tips for avoiding and/or surviving the flu, so someone gains wisdom from my suffering.
1. Anti-bacterial-- sounds simple to wash your hands and use a little anti-bacterial soap, but it's amazing how often we don't do just that. Remember being little, and washing your hands before dinner? Well the basic principle still applies and our hands are still dirty, but we don't wash them. Washing hand before and after meals is a great way to avoid spreading germs.
2. Stock up-- there is nothing wrong with having a full bag of cough drops and several extra boxes of kleenex around during flu season. Maybe if I had done this, I could have saved myself from using paper towel as kleenex after I finished two boxes.
3. Medicine only works if you'll take it!-- just a note for the Moms out there (particularly my own!) cough drops don't have to taste bad!! I have always had an intense dislike of cough drops, but Halls Naturals and Halls Citrus both taste really good and definitely work. The naturals even had a honey center, which is probably half the reason I feel better. Although I think I might forever associate the taste of honey with Swine Flu...
4. Two pillows-- this is a trick I learned from my Momma a long time ago, and it was a life-saver this week. Whenever you have a cough or a cold, prop your head up on two pillows while you sleep. It keeps everything running smooth even while you're asleep and gives you lots less coughs.
5. When you think it's over, think again-- Thursday night, I thought I was so much better, feeling great and I went out of the room for a few hours even. But in my sleep, I coughed so much I threw up for a bit, and I learned the lesson that you should always treat yourself as sick longer than you think. Also, I relearned lesson 4 in a very brutal way!
So that's all I've got: 5 ways to battle Swine Flu, and hopefully it is a helpful way of explaining exactly what I've been through this week. Now, off to work on that ever growing mountain of homework before it crushes me!
Thursday, February 18, 2010
A Project?
During my little in-house stay here (having been quarantined due to Swine Flu) I have been watching quite a few movies and catching up on some things I've wanted to see. One of these was the much-discussed Julie & Julia.
The plot line focuses around the intertwined stories of Julia Child, famous chef, and Julie Powell, failed author. Julie spends a year of her life cooking through Julia's cookbook and blogging about her adventures.
Though I didn't fall in love with the movie, as so many people seem to have done, it did make me think that maybe there ought to be some sort of purpose for my blog. I did start the blog with the intention of tracking down my changing thoughts while in college, and maybe that is some sort of a goal. But aimless talk does seem rather selfish, doesn't it? Maybe if I were chronicling something or accomplishing a goal it would seem a little less egotistical.
So I am asking any and all readers, although it does seem like maybe my Dad is the only who reads this (love you!), to suggest some sort of goal for me to work on. Obviously I can't cook-- unless you know of a made-for-microwave cookbook!! So comment away with those suggestions!
The plot line focuses around the intertwined stories of Julia Child, famous chef, and Julie Powell, failed author. Julie spends a year of her life cooking through Julia's cookbook and blogging about her adventures.
Though I didn't fall in love with the movie, as so many people seem to have done, it did make me think that maybe there ought to be some sort of purpose for my blog. I did start the blog with the intention of tracking down my changing thoughts while in college, and maybe that is some sort of a goal. But aimless talk does seem rather selfish, doesn't it? Maybe if I were chronicling something or accomplishing a goal it would seem a little less egotistical.
So I am asking any and all readers, although it does seem like maybe my Dad is the only who reads this (love you!), to suggest some sort of goal for me to work on. Obviously I can't cook-- unless you know of a made-for-microwave cookbook!! So comment away with those suggestions!
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Living for Haiti
I'm definitely guilty of being one of those people who hear about a crisis, such as Haiti, and am tired of it by week 2. Sure, I feel sympathy for people suffering, but I don't like to have it dragged out in the news. With a nation full of people like that, America has all but forgotten the people of Haiti by now.
However, I was inspired today on a few levels by Petersburg local Jesse Sullivan. Turns out, he's been living in a tent for the past few weeks to show solidarity with the people of Haiti and to bring attention to their need. For the full story check out http://www.cnn.com/2010/US/02/17/mip.wednesday/index.html?iref=allsearch
The inspirational part is that he still cares and still recognizes the needs of those people. He is so committed to it that he is sleeping in a tent in Washington, D.C. in February. He is truly living his life as an example to other people, and that is extremely powerful.
I do, however, wonder what Jesse could be doing if he were actually in Haiti, helping the relief effort. Are his actions helping anyone? Or are they meant to inspire our government?
When all is said and done, I think CNN missed out on the biggest part of the story: Jesse should be a poster boy for relief efforts. Literally, he should be on a poster. Because he is good looking, caring, committed, smart-- basically he's got it all. And if he wants to share it with the world, who are we to stop him?
Edit: After reading Jesse's blog jessesullivan.blogspot.com, I understand his purpose a little better. During the day Jesse is working at the Haitian Embassy in D.C., and made the decision not to accept their offer for hotel accommodations but to show his solidarity and help raise awareness by sleeping in the tent. For more info, or to get involved with his project, check out his blog!
However, I was inspired today on a few levels by Petersburg local Jesse Sullivan. Turns out, he's been living in a tent for the past few weeks to show solidarity with the people of Haiti and to bring attention to their need. For the full story check out http://www.cnn.com/2010/US/02/17/mip.wednesday/index.html?iref=allsearch
The inspirational part is that he still cares and still recognizes the needs of those people. He is so committed to it that he is sleeping in a tent in Washington, D.C. in February. He is truly living his life as an example to other people, and that is extremely powerful.
I do, however, wonder what Jesse could be doing if he were actually in Haiti, helping the relief effort. Are his actions helping anyone? Or are they meant to inspire our government?
When all is said and done, I think CNN missed out on the biggest part of the story: Jesse should be a poster boy for relief efforts. Literally, he should be on a poster. Because he is good looking, caring, committed, smart-- basically he's got it all. And if he wants to share it with the world, who are we to stop him?
Edit: After reading Jesse's blog jessesullivan.blogspot.com, I understand his purpose a little better. During the day Jesse is working at the Haitian Embassy in D.C., and made the decision not to accept their offer for hotel accommodations but to show his solidarity and help raise awareness by sleeping in the tent. For more info, or to get involved with his project, check out his blog!
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
H1N1
So what started as a sore throat on Saturday was officially diagnosed this morning as Swine Flu. With a 101.8 fever and a wicked cough, the doctor felt really bad for me, especially since they were running behind and I had the pleasure of falling asleep in the waiting room.
The inevitable question-- What's it like to have Swine Flu?
Well for me, it felt a lot like pneumonia. I will start coughing and it just rattles my insides and I feel like I'm holding myself together. The fever didn't really hit until this morning, and it just pushed the whole thing over the edge.
So I'm all bunked in for the long haul; I'm not supposed to be out and about until I am fever-free for 24 hours. Hopefully that will be sooner rather than later. I'm due for another dose of Tylenol at 8pm, and it's 7:30 now, and I don't feel fevery. So my hopes are high that I might be fully recovered by Thursday.
Just another (sick) day at the Zou,
Kathy
The inevitable question-- What's it like to have Swine Flu?
Well for me, it felt a lot like pneumonia. I will start coughing and it just rattles my insides and I feel like I'm holding myself together. The fever didn't really hit until this morning, and it just pushed the whole thing over the edge.
So I'm all bunked in for the long haul; I'm not supposed to be out and about until I am fever-free for 24 hours. Hopefully that will be sooner rather than later. I'm due for another dose of Tylenol at 8pm, and it's 7:30 now, and I don't feel fevery. So my hopes are high that I might be fully recovered by Thursday.
Just another (sick) day at the Zou,
Kathy
Thursday, February 11, 2010
The Lone Wolf
This is poem I like to call "The Lone Wolf"
Riding in the underground
Everybody stares
The faces are nameless
And I don’t really care
Wrapped up in this mask
And hiding my face
The world through a screen
Is a different place
This one has the courage
To be the black sheep
But beneath his makeup
He won’t make a peep
A sea full of uniqueness
And each one the same
The oddball has rules
But it’s still the same game
A black sheep is different
But still a sheep in the crowd
Who among them has courage
To be the lone wolf?
As I've said before I'm not much of a poet, but I am actually really proud of this one because of the character created. I think it could be more elaborate, but I wrote it from the view of a Middle-eastern woman riding the London underground. Her view of the world is different than mine, and I enjoy stepping into her perspective. I think one of the most challenging things for me, with poetry or writing, is to think outside of my own head. Many of these thoughts are still my own; the black sheep thing in particular is something I have often pondered. But I think the objective point of view of this woman is fascinating.
Just another day at the Zou,
Kathy
Riding in the underground
Everybody stares
The faces are nameless
And I don’t really care
Wrapped up in this mask
And hiding my face
The world through a screen
Is a different place
This one has the courage
To be the black sheep
But beneath his makeup
He won’t make a peep
A sea full of uniqueness
And each one the same
The oddball has rules
But it’s still the same game
A black sheep is different
But still a sheep in the crowd
Who among them has courage
To be the lone wolf?
As I've said before I'm not much of a poet, but I am actually really proud of this one because of the character created. I think it could be more elaborate, but I wrote it from the view of a Middle-eastern woman riding the London underground. Her view of the world is different than mine, and I enjoy stepping into her perspective. I think one of the most challenging things for me, with poetry or writing, is to think outside of my own head. Many of these thoughts are still my own; the black sheep thing in particular is something I have often pondered. But I think the objective point of view of this woman is fascinating.
Just another day at the Zou,
Kathy
Sometimes the Top seems a LONG way off
Somehow I've always known I wanted to go to a big college. I remember going to U of I once when Kate was in Science Olympiad in Jr. High, and Dad and I talked forever about how great a big school was (probably more like Dad listened while I ranted, and that's why I love him). But when I chose to come to Mizzou, I think I had neglected the big-school part of it in favor of many other aspects. I definitely wasn't expecting there to be any friction in the transition from small-town high school to big-time college, but life isn't always what we expect.
Those of you who go to a small school (aka my siblings) are probably thinking the typical mantra about huge universities: you're just a number or just one in the crowd.
Let me be clear: I have never felt that way at Mizzou.
I couldn't really put a finger on it at first, but Jessica summed it up well by saying that everyone here, from the student staff to the professors, from the T.A.s to my fellow students, literally everyone wants me to succeed. I haven't met a single person who wouldn't point me toward whatever help I needed, and most people I have been lucky enough to work with would go above and beyond that.
So the crowd thing really isn't the problem I've been having. I think the friction here isn't really a problem, but just what friction implies: resistance to a motion (I'm in Physics 1210 right now, sorry for the metaphors).
In high school I wanted to be a stand-out, so I was. I didn't have to work particularly hard or be spectacular to become a club officer, or make varsity, or be in the top 10. I didn't have to be great; I had to be good. At Mizzou, that's not enough. Here, you don't have to be great; you have to be spectacular.
So far this semester, I've applied for summer welcome, student staff, Phi Sigma Pi (a co-ed honors frat), changing my major, and tour team. Personally, I believe I am well-qualified for all of these things. But I have thus far only found out about two of them, and I didn't get summer welcome or PSP. I am slowly learning that it's not enough to be qualified, you have to have that extra factor. And there's no telling what that is.
I'll be sure to keep posting about the rest of these applications. I should find out about my major next week and about student staff in mid-March. And after much consideration, I have actually decided to withdraw my tour team application, because I can't make that commitment for next year.
So while I sort out the friction, and keep working to improve myself (I'm not exactly one to take rejection lying down!), I think the important realization here is that this is real. In the real world: I won't get jobs. I won't get dates. I won't get promotions. Despite the setbacks, I know that going to a big school is right for me, because I want to be great, and the challenges here are built to help me reach my potential.
Just another day at the Zou,
Kathy
Friday, February 5, 2010
Chuck Roberts
Today, our floor had an official dedication ceremony and famous anchorman Chuck Roberts, of Headline News, came in to celebrate. Basically, each of the floors in my building are now named after a famous Mizzou alumni who did something cool in their field, and my floor is Roberts House.
In a word, Roberts was very gracious about accepting the honor. He came in and was genuinely excited to be there. Not too many students were there, probably about 20 made it through the whole event. But the group that gathered listened to his stories about his Mizzou days and the advice he had about a career in Journalism with enthusiasm and interest (and some even had their note pads out!). It was gratifying to see how moved Roberts was to accept the honor, and to be a part of organizing the event so that he might share his story with our hall.
Overall, Roberts gave lots of advice about how to succeed in journalism and in life, but I think it can easily be summed up in two words: take risks. He spoke about his humble beginnings at CNN when it was just starting and how he had to forgo money and opportunity elsewhere to take a chance on an emerging company. Outside of journalism, the same advice can still be true. Money shouldn't be a guiding factor, just a concern. I think he made the excellent point, as is living proof, that if you follow your heart and work to build something new and marketable, the money will follow in time.
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